Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Irene Ryan's date with Hans Conried

On the Jack Carson radio show, Irene Ryan (Granny Clampett) played an old maid with a long list of medical afflictions. Jack makes the mistake of promising to get her a date, which he does with an escapee from the local asylum (Conried). The results are predicably humorous.



More HERE about Hans Conried

It is a sad state of affairs in the medical profession

when people are afraid to go to the doctor for fear they will be "sold" something they do not really need and absolutely cannot afford. Profit has replaced professionalism.

This one did not take long

Ma'am, that was the shortest fight on record. I swung at him and missed. He swung at me and didn't.

(from Guns of the Timberlands, by Louis Lamour)


Monday, July 21, 2014

One needs one's hat

          "What I propose to do," continued Psmith, without waiting for an answer, "is to touch you for the good round sum of five thousand and three dollars."
          Mr. Waring half rose. "Five thousand dollars!"
          "Five thousand and three dollars," said Psmith. "It may possibly have escaped your memory, but a certain minion of yours, one J. Repetto, utterly ruined a practically new hat of mine. If you think that I can afford to come to New York and scatter hats about as if they were mere dross, you were making the culminating error of a misspent life. Three dollars are what I need for a new one. The balance of your cheque, the five thousand, I propose to apply to making those tenements fit for a tolerably fastidious pig to live in."

(from Psmith Journalist, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)


More HERE about hats.

Blenkinsop's Balm for the Bilious

This evidently very effective medication is recommend highly by the hero of the P. G. Wodehouse novel Psmith Journalist. It appears to be a complete fabrication, so one can only wonder what it's healing properties might have been.

New York policemen have no sense of humor?

There, standing on the mat, were three policemen. From their remarks I gathered that certain bright spirits had been running a gambling establishment in the lower regions of the building - where, I think I told you, there is a saloon - and the Law was now about to clean up the place. Very cordially the honest fellows invited me to go with them. A conveyance, it seemed, waiting in the street without. I pointed out, even as you appear to have done, that sea-green pyjamas with old rose frogs were not the costume in which a Shropshire Psmith should be seen abroad in one of the world's greatest cities; but they assured me - more by their manner than their words - that my misgivings were out of place, so I yielded. These men, I told myself, have lived in New York longer than I. They know that is done and what is not done. I will bow to their views. So I went with them, and after a very pleasant and cosy little ride in the patrol waggon [sic], arrived at the police station.

(from Psmith Journalist, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)


More HERE about policemen.

The shortcomings of the New York subway

Conversation on the Subway is impossible. The ingenious gentlemen who constructed it started with the object of making it noisy. Not ordinarily noisy,, like a ton of coal falling onto a sheet of tin, but really noisy. So they fashioned the pillars of thin steel, and the sleepers of thin wood, and loosened all the nuts, and now a Subway rain in motion suggests a prolonged dynamite explosion blended with the voice of some great cataract.

(from Psmith Journalist, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse.

More HERE about the subway.

A lightweight publication, perhaps?

Comrade Wilberfloss's methods were good in their way. I have no quarrel with Comrade Wilberfloss. But he did not lead public thought. He catered exclusively for children with water on the brain, and men and women with solid ivory skulls.

(from Psmith Journalist, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Friday, July 18, 2014

Corn on the cob to a squirrel

Chico Marx on the Bob Hope radio show

Chico Marx is not as well known today as Harpo (thanks to Lucille Ball) and certainly not as famous as Groucho, but he was a competent comedian in his own right. He was the special guest on one episode of the Bob Hope radio show, and played the piano (actually pretty well), while he cracked occasional jokes.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

How cheap was Jack Benny?

"Benny not only has no teeth, he is too cheap to buy false teeth. He enamels his guns." - Fred Allen

More HERE about Jack  Benny.

He sat by B. B. King

A man who used to be a salesman where I work had tickets each year at the Liberty Bowl in Memphis. He was a regular, and got the same seat each year. It happened that famous blues singer and guitarist B. B. King had the seat next to him. He said they got to be fairly well acquainted, even though they only saw each other once a year.

George became less humorous

In the early episodes of the Let George Do It radio show, Claire Brooks was only his secretary (not yet any romantic interest), and her younger brother Sonny provided the comic relief. Later on, Sonny was dropped, and George and Claire ("Brooksie") became very much an item. As that happened, the program lost a little of its humorous tone.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Pride is expensive

One of the great curses of price is that a man often cannot safely pursue the occupation which he enjoys most and does the best, because he knows the crippling effect success might have upon his moral constitution.

More HERE about pride.

The Ronald Colmans discussing Jack Benny

Benita: You know, darling, there is one thing that is rather amazing about Jack.

Ronnie: Oh, what’s that?

Benita: Well, of all the things he’s taken from us through the years, not once has he tried to borrow any money.

Ronnie: Darling, money is the one things he doesn’t use.

Benita: He doesn’t use it? Then what does he do with his money?

Ronnie: He gets is, counts it, caresses it, and buries it.


Jimmy Jones - a movie cowboy star you may have missed

In one of the early episodes of Let George Do It, George is hired by movie star Jimmy Jones to get him through an embarrassing situation. Because of an accident, he is now terrified of horses, but he does an annual benefit for an orphanage and does not want to let them down. They notice that George and Jimmy look somewhat alike, so George volunteers to be his double - but George, being a city boy, has never ridden a horse.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

One prize you would have wanted for sure

We have a prize tonight for the best singer: a big, beautiful 25-pound box of moustache wax.

(from the Morey Amsterdam radio show)

What is a ketch?

In the radio program The Voyage of the Scarlet Queen, we are told that that vessel is a ketch. A ketch is a sailing craft with two masts. The distinguishing characteristic of a ketch is that the forward of the two masts (the "mainmast") is larger than the after mast (the "mizzen").

Bowdrie's horse

He was lean, rawboned and irritable, yet Bowdrie had developed an affection for him. Pet the roan and he would try to bite you. Curry him and he'd kick. But on a trail he would go all day and all night with a sort of ugly determination. Bowdrie had never known a horse with so much personality, and all of it bad.

(from McNelly Knows a Ranger, by Louis Lamour)

Monday, July 14, 2014

The Peerage. If you enjoy researching the bluebloods

the let me recommend this website LINK. It is a work in progress, but Mr. Lundy is doing a workmanlike job of logging a vast amount of info about the nobility of Europe and elsewhere.

OK, Mrs. Green, here it is. History is on my side.

On the Fibber McGee & Molly radio program of 15 March 1937, Fibber used this joke: "I've sawed that leg off three times, and it's still too short!"

So, take that!

What goes on at the Gildersleeve plant

The Great Gildersleeve was one of the first spin-offs in broadcast history, his character having been a regular on Fibber McGee & Molly for several seasons. On the initial program, still called The Johnson Wax Program (it was later sponsored by Kraft Foods), Gildy takes off for a while from his factory, which manufactures girdles. When he gets to Summerfield, his nephew Leroy has the mistaken impression that the factory makes girders, not girdles, and that Gildy is a rough, tough steelworker. He quips to his uncle, "I'll bet you make the supports for a lot of big projects there." Naturally, that got quite a laugh.

Interestingly, in this initial program, Gildersleeve's niece is named Evelyn, not Marjorie, as she was later.