Monday, February 27, 2017

She is going to get mad!

The Bingo menage, as you are no doubt aware, is one that has been conducted from its inception on one hundred per cent Romeo and Juliet lines. She is devoted to him, and his ingrowing love for her is such that you would be justified in comparing them to a couple of turtle doves. Nevertheless, he was ill at ease. Any male turtle dove will tell you that, if conditions are right, the female turtle dove can spit on her hands and throw her weight about like Donald Duck. And it needed no diagram to show Bingo that conditions here were just right. Mrs. Bingo had taken a lot of trouble to get him his job, and when she found that through sheer fatheadedness he had chucked it away, she would, something told him, have a lot of comment to make.

(from Egg, Beans and Crumpets, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Not a fond goodbye

          "Cheer up," he said. "You still have me."
          "No, I haven't," said Purkiss. You're fired."
          And in words whose meaning there was no mistaking he informed Bingo that the end of the month would see his finish as Ye Ed., and that it was his, Purkiss's, dearest hope that when he, Bingo, finally left the premises, he would trip over the door mat and break his neck.

(from Eggs, Beans and Crumpets, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

They did things differently back then

Gally produced his case. Vanessa stood looking over the battlements, a rather rapt expression on her face.

"I suppose your ancestors used to pour boiling lead on people from up here?" she said.

"All the time. Made them jump."

"That's just the sort of thing I find so romantic about the place."

"I can see how you might. Very attractive, those old English customs."

(from A Pelican At Blandings,  by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Boy, is that an understatement!

From Wikipedia's spot on Ginger Rogers, speaking about movie partner Fred Astaire: "a peerless dancer who sometimes struggled as an actor and was not considered classically handsome."

No kidding! He looked like a refugee from a concentration camp.

The last "Extra"

Putting out "extra" editions for important breaking news used to be a big part of the newspaper business. Of course, that was before electronic media. At some point, extras became a largely thing of the past. I wonder when that last "extra" was issued, or will be issued.

Not a newspaper I have read

To her relief he appeared reasonably placid. He was sitting up in bed smoking a cigar and reading the local paper, the Bridgnorth, Shifnal and Albritton Argus, with which is incorporated the Wheat Grower's Intelligencer and Stock Breeder's Gazette.

(from A Pelican At Blandings, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Monday, February 20, 2017

Name him Fanshaw?

Considering naming your son Fanshaw? One of those old, honored, British names that just reek history and blue blood. True. So true. But you might want to think again before you do, because "Fanshaw" is how it is pronounced, not how it is spelled. The spelling it Featherstonehaugh.


Short on marbles

No sister could view him now without concern. There was an expression she had heard her husband James Schoonmaker use to describe an acquaintance of whose mentality his opinion was low, which seemed to her to fit the ninth Earl of Emsworth like the paper on the wall. It was the expression, "He has not got all his marbles." What had occurred in the past few days, and particularly what had occurred tonight, had left her with the conviction that, whatever the ninth Earl's merits, he offered an open target for her James's criticism. He was amiable, he was clean, sober and obedient, but the marbles in his possession were virtually non-existent.

(from A Pelican At Blandings, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Just die

Evidently it does not matter how much of a scoundrel you may be, all you have to do in order to be eulogized as a paragon is to die.

Bulldog Drummond movies

There was a whole series of movies based upon the Bulldog Drummond character. In most of them, Drummond was portrayed by actor John Howard. It is lightweight entertainment, but my wife and I have watched them many times and still enjoy them.

Image result for bulldog drummond john howard

Saturday, February 18, 2017

What it was, was love

That was the night you were so disturbed because she hummed and giggled, giving you the impression that something had gone wrong with the two hemispheres of her brain and the broad band of transversely running fibres known as the corpus callosum and that she was, in your crisp phrase, potty. It was not pottiness, Dunstable, it was the natural exuberance of a young girl who has found love and happiness and is looking forward to the wedding with full choral effects, with the man she adores standing at her side in a morning coat and sponge bag trousers and the bishop and assistant clergy doing their stuff as busily as one-armed paperhangers with the hives.

(from A Pelican At Blandings, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Image result for sponge bag trousers wedding

Friday, February 17, 2017

Tough way to end the relationship

A thing I've noticed as I've gone through life is that girls never need much of a rason for breaking engagements. It's their first move when anything goes wrong. I remember a fellow named Ponderby at the old Pelican - Legs Ponderby we used to call him - short for Hollow Legs - because of his remarkable capacity for absorbing buttered rum - who got engaged to a girl who did a snake act on the suburban Halls and always took her supporting artists around in a wickerwork basket. And one night, when they were having a bite of supper at the Bodega, a long green member of the troupe got loose and crawled up Legs's leg, and wanting to sell his life dearly he hit it on the nose with a bread stick. He explained to the girl that seeing snakes always affected him profoundly, but she broke the engagement just the same and went off and married a comedy juggler.

(from A Pelican At Blandings, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)