Sunday, July 31, 2022

Not fit for the job

     "Well, do you like Mrs. Gedge?"

    "No, I don't. She's a pest. Do you know what she's always after me to do? Use my pull to get that pop-eyed husband of hers made American Ambassador to France! A fellow who's a cross between a half-witted fish and a pneumonia germ. Well, I don't think I shall have much more trouble about that. I wrote her a letter the day before yesterday, telling her in so many words that I didn't think a man who couldn't count his shots at golf was a fit and proper representative for my country in the capital of a great and friendly power. You let a fellow like Gedge loose in Paris as an ambassador, and first thing you know he'd be giving America a black eye by being deported for cheating the French President at backgammon."

(from Hot Water, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Thursday, July 28, 2022

Good clean fun

     "What a mob!" she said disgustedly.

    "I like it," said Packy. "All this is helping me to understand the spirit which has made England what it is. I can see now what they mean when they talk of the bulldog breed. There was one fellow came navigating by here just now with an infant in each hand and attached to each infant, mark you, a Sealyham on a string. The last I saw of them, the port-side child had got tangled up with the starboard Sealyham, and the port-side Sealyham with the starboard child, and, take it for all in all, it was beginning to look like a big day for Dad. In my opinion, good clean fun, gratifyingly free from all this modern suggestiveness."

(from Hot Water, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Wednesday, July 27, 2022

They need a little excitement

     "You don't think I was really worrying because I had lost Aline, do you? I thought I was going to lose you, and it made me miserable. You couldn't expect me to say so in so many words, but I thought you guessed. I practically said it. Ashe! What are you doing?"

    Ashe paused for a moment to reply.

    "I am kissing you," he said.

    "But you mustn't. There's a scullery-maid or something looking out of the kitchen window. She will see us."

    Ashe drew her to him.

    "Scullery-maids have few pleasures," he said. "Theirs is a dull life. Let her see us."

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Tuesday, July 26, 2022

Surely not scarabs!

 A man may be in sympathy with the modern movement for the emancipation of Women, and yet feel aggrieved when a mere girl proves herself a more efficient thief than he. Woman is invading Man's sphere more successfully every day, but there are till certain fields in which Man may consider that he is rightfully entitled to a monopoly, and the purloining of scarabs in the watches of the night is surely one of them. Joan, in Ashe's opinion, should have played a meeker and less active part.

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Monday, July 25, 2022

Beautiful thoughts

     The distant sound of the dinner-gong floated in.

    "We settled that just in time," said Ashe. Mr. Peters regared him fixedly.

    "Young man," he said slowly, "if, after all this you fail to recover my Cheops for me, I'll - I'll - by George, I'll skin you."

    "Don't talk like that," said Ashe. "That's another thing you have got to remember. If my treatment is to be successful, you must not let yourself think in that way. You must exercise self-control mentally. You must think beautiful thoughts."

    "The idea of skinning you is a beautiful thought," said Mr. Peters wistfully.

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Sunday, July 24, 2022

Just plain nosey

 Almost more than physical courage the ideal adventurer needs a certain lively inquisitiveness, the quality of not being content to mind his own affairs: and in Ashe this quality was highly developed. From boyhood up he had always been interested in things which were none o his business. And it is just that attribute which the modern young man, as a rule, so sadly lacks.

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Saturday, July 23, 2022

A really bad memory

     "It's awkward. If I'm to make the thing clear to you, I've got to trust you and I don't know a thing about you. I wish I had thought of that before I inserted the advertisement."

    Ashe appreciated the difficulty.

    "Wouldn't you make an A B case out of it?"

    "Maybe I could, if I knew what an A B case was."

    "Call the people mixed up in it A and B."

    "And forget halfway through who was which! No, I guess I'll have to trust you."

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Friday, July 22, 2022

Leave the window alone!

     The room assigned by the firm to their Mr. Boole for his personal use was a small and dingy compartment, redolent of that atmosphere of desolation which lawyers alone know how to achieve. It gave the impression of not having been swept since the foundation of the firm in the year 1786. There was one small window, covered with grime. It was one of those windows which you see only in lawyers' offices. Possibly, some reckless Mainprice or hairbrained Boole had opened it, in a fit of mad excitement induced by the news of the Battle of Waterloo, in 1815, and had been instantly expelled from the firm. Since then no one had dared to tamper with it.

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Thursday, July 21, 2022

He just looks stupid

    "Oh, I've nothing against Freddie. He is practically an imbecile and I don't like his face, but apart from that he's all right."

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Wednesday, July 20, 2022

No place like it

     There is every kind of restaurant in London, from the restaurant which makes you fancy you are in Paris to the restaurant which makes you wish you were. There are palaces in Piccadilly, quaint lethal chambers in Soho, and strange food factories in Oxford Street and the Tottenham Court Road. There are restaurants which specialize in ptomaine, and restaurants which specialize in sinister vegetable-messes. But there is only one Simpson's. Simpson's in the Strand is unique. 

    Here if he wishes, the Briton may, for the small sum of half a dollar, stupefy himself with food. . . . Its keynote is solid comfort. County clergymen, visiting London for the annual Clerical Congress, come here to get the one square meal which will last them till next year's Clerical Congress. Fathers and uncles with sons or nephews on their hands rally to Simpson's with silent blessings on the head of the genius who founded the place, for here only can the young boa-constrictor really fill himself at moderate expense. Militant suffragesttes comes to it to make up leeway after their last hunger strike.

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

    

Monday, July 18, 2022

Blue-blooded nuts

    "Adams, I'm getting absent-minded. Have you ever noticed any traces of absent-mindedness in me before?"

    "Oh no, your lordship."

    "Well, it's deuced peculiar. I have no recollection whatsoever of placing that fork in my pocket. . . . Adams, I want a taxi-cab."

    He glanced round the room, as if expecting to locate one by the fireplace.

    "The hall-porter will whistle one for you, your lordship."

    "So he will, by George, so he will. Good day Adams."

    "Good day, your lordship."

    The Earl of Emsworth ambled benevolently to the door, leaving Adams with the feeling that his day had not been ill-spent. He gazed almost with reverence after the slow-moving figure.

    "What a nut!" said Adams to his immortal soul.

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Sunday, July 17, 2022

Ah, those younger sons

     Like many fathers in his rank of life, the Earl of Emsworth had suffered much through that problem which - with the exception of Mr. Lloyd George - is practically the only fly in the British aristocratic amber - the problem of What To Do With The Younger Sons. It is useless to try to gloss over the fact, the Younger Son is not required. You might reason with a British peer by the hour - you might point out to him how, on the one hand, he is far better off than the male codfish, who may at any moment find itself in the distressing position of being called on to provide for a family of over a million; and remind him, on the other, that every additional child he acquires means a corresponding rise for him in the estimation of ex-President Roosevelt; but you would not cheer him up in the least. He does not want the Younger Son.

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Saturday, July 16, 2022

Comparatively easy

     "Listen, Mr. Marson. I was thrown on my own resources about five years ago. Never mind how. Since then I have worked in a shop, done typewriting, been on the stage, had a position as a governness, been a lady's maid -"

    "A what? A lady's maid?"

    "Why not? It was all experience, and I can assure you I would much rather be a lady's maid than a governess."

    "I think I know what you mean. I was a private tutor once. I suppose a governess is the female equivalent. I have often wondered what General Sherman would have said about private tutoring, if he expressed himself so breezily about mere War."

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Friday, July 15, 2022

OF RACES AND CULTURES

 One of my Pappy's Proverbs is the very obvious thought, "If you ask the wrong questions, then you will get the wrong answers." For at least most of the history of the world men have been in philosophical and even military conflicts because of issues surrounding race. And any way you approach it, that is one of the stupidest discussions anyone could ever have.

In the first place, don't even begin to talk to me about race unless you first define for me precisely what a "race" is. Can you do that? Can you? Think about it: every set of full siblings that has ever lived in the entire history of the world has had a different genetic make-up than every other set of full siblings. Were they different races? My first cousin came to visit us this week. He and I share common grandparents - on one side, but not on the other. Are we different races? But if you go back far enough in our genealogy, you likely will come to a point where you might say that we were of different races, because the further back you go, the more diverse our genealogy becomes, until it begins to dovetail into Noah.

Are Eskimos of a different race than Mongolians? Are Italians of a different race than Serbians? Define precisely what you are talking about before you try to get me into an argument. "Don't be ridiculous," you respond; "you know the difference between black and white." Oh, do I? Are the Hutus in Africa the same race as the aboriginal Australians and as the Tutsi (Watusi) people in Africa, many of whom are extraordinarily tall? The pygmies in southeast Asia are very short, but they are black. Which "blacks" are you talking about? Are pygmies and Tutsi of the same race merely because their skin is (approximately) the same color even though their average height may be three feet different?

Race has nothing to do with anything, other than physical characteristics, and every two people in the world have different physical characteristics. My two oldest grandsons married very lovely young ladies and upgraded the genetic base of our clan considerably in the process. Our "race" improved itself tremendously by their romantic attachments, in my humble opinion.

I suffer considerably from "white man's disease," which is a phrase denoting the fact that the average white man (supposedly) cannot jump as high as the average black man. So? During the time it took me to write this paragraph, several black and white men have been born and died, and thus the "average" changed by that much. I suspect that the average black man can jump higher than the average white man, but until you test every man in the world, how could you know for sure? But the average is changing every day, and what difference does it make, anyway? The world record holder in the high jump is a Cuban, and the man whose record he broke was a German. All of which proves what? In 1988, the man who held the world record was a German, and the man whose record he broke was Swedish. Did that mean that Germans and Swedes could jump higher than Africans? Do you see the convoluted nonsense that we can get into when we start discussing race?

People talk about the propriety of interracial marriages, but you can never get those who are opposed to them to define precisely what they mean by "race." Are Mexicans a different race than Germans? Are the Chinese a different race from Mongolians? If you oppose interracial marriages as a matter of principal, are you opposed to Chinese marrying Mongolians?

The bottom line is that people can do nothing to determine their genetic make-up, and what difference does it make anyhow? What does make a huge difference is the culture in which a person is raised. Race does not determine how an individual acts, but culture can have a profound influence upon how people act. There are many factors that determine how people act, but cultural factors are some of the most powerful. Just write this down: THE QUESTION TO BE ASKING IS NOT ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE IN RACES, BUT ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE IN CULTURES.

My observation has been that when people talk about disliking a particular race, what they mean is that there is something in that culture that is abhorrent or distasteful to them. There is nothing wrong with that: all of us have opinions. But put the blame where the blame belongs. People do not behave in a particular way because their skin is a particular color, but (to some extent) because of the culture in which they were raised.

And even when we get to cultures, the culture in which one is raised does not force him to act in a particular way. Hitler claimed that the Aryan race (whatever that is) was superior to all others, and that that fact justified him in persecuting those other races, which in the final analysis was actually a searing indictment of the Aryan race. But not all Germans acted like Hitler did, and none of them had to.

People ask, "Are interracial marriages wrong?" Again, before you ask me that question, define specifically what you mean by "race." And also, be aware that there is a huge difference between "strongly inadvisable" and "morally wrong." 

Technically, I married a woman of a different race. Her genealogy is largely German; mine is largely Welsh. (Hitler might have considered that to be an interracial marriage.) And yes, there have been some difficult periods in our relationship when my emotional Welsh genetics ran up against her efficient German genetics. Occasionally, in frustration, I have been known to exclaim, "Welshmen should never marry Germans!" I did not really mean it, of course; but couples do need to go into a marriage with their eyes wide open with regard to the factors that will necessarily place stress upon the relationship; because the marriage is for better or for worse, till death us do part. And cultural factors definitely can affect a marriage negatively. And if a couple marries, they are morally obligated to the God before whom they took the oath to stay with it to the end. 

I do know of white couples who have adopted black babies: black race, white culture. Which are they? And the babies couldn't help what they were in any case. Some people's logic is so strained that they would have it that those children could never marry anyone, because whichever way they went, the marriage would be mixed.

If a man is half Latino and half Scandanavian and a woman is half Oriental and half Arab, what does that mean with regard to their racial make-up? If you would oppose their marriage, upon what logical and moral grounds would you do so? It might be entirely possible that once you got back past their great-grandparents, both of them were entirely of African derivation.

Again, except for the case of full siblings, EVERY ONE OF US IS OF A DIFFERENT GENETIC DERIVATION. Cain's children's genetics were different than his - and thus it has ever been. 

If you don't like a particular culture, then say so. There are many things in all cultures that could be improved, and we are not required to like those things and we have the freedom to express our dislikes. But place the cause where it deserves to be (on the culture), and not on the race, which is neither here nor there as far as behavior is concerned.

And ultimately, place the blame on man's sinful behavior.


Dubious distinction

 "Will you tell me the story of your life, or shall I tell mine first?"

"I don't know that I have any particular story."

"Come, come!"

"Well, I haven't."

"Think again. Let us thrash this thing out. You were born!'

"I was."

"Where?"

"In London."

"Now we seem to be started. I was born in Much Middleford."

"I'm afraid I never heard of it."

"Strange! I know your birth-place quite well. But I have not yet made Much Middleford famous. In fact, I doubt if I ever shall. I am beginning to realize that I am one of the failures."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

"You are twenty-six, and you call yourself a failure? I think that is a shameful thing to say."

"What would you call a man of twenty-six whose only means of making a living was the writing of Gridley Quayle stories? An empire builder?"

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Thursday, July 14, 2022

Don't exercise in London

 The rules governing exercise in London are clearly defined. You may run, if you are running after a hat, or an omnibus; you may jump, if you do so with the idea of avoiding a taxi-cab or because you have stepped on a banana-skin. But if you run because you wish to develop your lungs or jump because jumping is good for the liver, London punishes you with its mockery. It rallies round and points the finger of scorn.

(from Something Fresh, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

Wednesday, July 13, 2022

Wherever you find it

     He was a typical man of the trail. He drank when there was water, ate whenever there was food, rested whenever there was a moment to relax, well knowing days might come when none of the three could be had.

(from "In Victorio's Country," by Louis L'Amour)

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

Don't bother me with details

     It was a business that kept him reasonably well supplied with poker and whiskey money, but when all available cattle wore brands, it seemed to him the difference in branded and unbranded cattle was largely a matter of time. All the cattle had been mavericks after the war, and if a herd wore a brand it simply meant the cattleman had reached them before he did. Big Red accepted this as a mere detail, and a situation that could  be speedily rectified ith a cinch ring, and in this he was not alone.

(from "In Victorio's Country," by Louis L'Amour)

Monday, July 11, 2022

Forget fair play!

     He had no strength to lift a gun, no strength to hold a gun even, nor did he dare risk Marta's life by allowing her to use his gun. There was in his mind no thought of fair play, for there was nothing fair about any of this. It was murder, ugly and brutal, that they planned.

    They had not thought of fair play when they ambushed him. Creet hadn't thought of fair play when he lured Gay Thomason into a chance at his back while Indian Frank sneaked up with his knife. If he was to save Marta and the ranch he had worked for, it must be now, and by any means.

(from "Valley of the Sun," by Louis L'Amour)

Sunday, July 10, 2022

Two mistakes

        Smiling with commiseration, Ace Fernandez made his next-to-last gesture in a misspent life. He reached for the pot. As his eager hands shot out there was a sharp, tearing sound, and the white sleeve of the elder Fernandez ripped loudly, and there snugly against his arm was what is known in the parlance of those aware of such things as a sleeve holdout. In it were several cards, among them the missing nine, ten, and queen.

    For one utterly appalling instant Ace Fernande froze, with what sinking of the heart you can imagine. Then he made the second of his last two gestures. He reached for his gun.

(from "Medicine Ground," by Louis L'Amour)

Saturday, July 09, 2022

Counting kids

     Together, Matt and Sue watched them walk away. "If you didn't want fifteen or twenty children," she suggested tenatively, "I know a girl who might be interested."

    Matt grinned. "How about six?"

    "I guess that's not too many."

    He slipped his ram around her waist. "Then consider your proposal accepted.

(from "No Man's Mesa," by Louis L'Amour)

Friday, July 08, 2022

Touchy superstition

     There was animosity in their eyes. The animosity of men who hear their cherished superstitions derided by a stranger. "You think again," Karr replied. "We folks won't allow it. It'll bring bad luck to all of us."

(from "No Man's Mesa," by Louis L'Amour)

Thursday, July 07, 2022

Speaking the language

     "You want to live you better hightail it. They been waiting for you."

    I shoved my hat back on my head and grinned at him. "Thanks, mister, but that sure wouldn't be neighborly of me, would it? Folks wait for me shouldn't miss their appointment. I reckon I'll go see what they have to say."

    "They'll say it with lead." He glowered at me, but I could see he was friendly.

    "Then I guess I can speak their language," I said. "Was a time I was a pretty fluent conversationalist in that language. Maybe I still am."

("We Shaped the Land With Our Guns," by Louis L'Amour)

Wednesday, July 06, 2022

Growing up in a hurry

     Me, I'd never figured nor wanted the name of a gunfighter, but it was sort of natural-like for me to use a gun easy and fast. At sixteen a kid can be mighty touchy about not being growed up. I was doing a man's job on the NOB outfit when Ed Keener rawhided me into swinging on him. He went down, and when he came up he hauled iron. Next thing I knew Keeher was on the ground drilled dead center and I had a smoking gun in my hand with all the hands staring at me like a calf had suddenly growed into a mountain lion right before them.

(from "We Shaped the Land with our Guns," by Louis L'Amour)

Tuesday, July 05, 2022

But no fish

     All was quiet below. The Indians had started a fire and were killing one of their spare horses. Nothing an Apache liked better than horse meat except mule meat. . . . No Apache, he remembered irrelevantly, would eat fish.

(from Taggart, by Louis L'Amour)

Monday, July 04, 2022

Gold fever

     Swante Taggart was not a man who loved gold, but he knew the feeling. It could get into the blood, and once it did a man was lost. He had known men who devoted their entire lives to following the ghost of gold through desert and mountain, into all the lost and remote places. He could appreciate the feeling, although he had long since come to realize there were some things not worth the cost. For him the yearning was for land, cattle, a place with water, trees and grass.

(from Taggart, by Louis L'Amour)

Sunday, July 03, 2022

The stuff of dreams

     She law him remove his hat and run his fingrs through his hair. His horse stamped impatiently, eager to be moving, and when he shifted his weight in the saddle, the leather creaked. Suddenly she felt a wild desire to speak out, to question him, to find who he was and where he was going, but most of all, why he had stopped here.

    Yet she was hesitant to speak or to move for fear that the slightest sound or movement would shatter the moment's spell and leave her with nothing. As long as they both were silent, the intangible communion between them existed, and he remained for her the stuff of dreams.

(from Taggart, by Louis L'Amour)

Saturday, July 02, 2022

The desert at night

     There is no other night that has the stillness and the beauty of the desert night . . . the sea when it is quiet comes closest to that stillness that is not stillness, but the sea is always alive. The Arctic, too, has its own beauty, but the desert is still with a curious alert stillness, a sense of listening, of poised awareness. Standing alone in the desert at night one feels that all about one there is this listening, an alertness for movement, for life, for change.

(from Taggart, by Louis L'Amour)

Friday, July 01, 2022

Calculated danger

     Studying the tower of rock, he knew he had already accepted its challenge. He was going after the gold.

    But even as he made his dcision, he knew that there were two things he must guard against. The first was tolerance of danger that might bring carelessness, and the second ws going back for that little bit more that would kill him.

(from Taggart, by Louis L'Amour)