Monday, June 29, 2026

Go drown yourself!

     "Good morning, sir," said Jeeves. "Mr. Fink-Nottle is not feeling well." 

    Nor was I. Gussie had begun to make low, bubbling noise, and I could no longer disguise it from myself that something must have gone seriously wrong with the works. I mean, I know marriage is a pretty solemn business and the realization that he is in for it frequently churns a chap up a bit, but I had never come across a case of a newly-engaged man taking it on the chin quite so completely as this.

    Gussie looked up. His eye was dull. He clutched the thatch.

    "Goodbye, Bertie," he said, rising. I seemed to spot an error.

    "You mean 'Hullo,' don't you?"

    "No, I don't. I mean goodbye. I'm off."

    "Off where?

    "To the kitchen garden. To drown myself."

    "Don't be an ass."

    "I'm not an ass . . . Am I an ass, Jeeves?"

    "Possibly a little injudicious, sir."

    "Drowning myself, you mean?

    "Yes, sir."

    "You think, on the whole, not drown myself?"

    "I should not advocate it, sir."

    "Very well, Jeeves. I accept your ruling. After all, it would be unpleasant for Mrs. Travers to find a swollen body floating in her pond."

(from Right Ho, Jeeves, by Sir Pelham Wodehouse)

 

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